Monday, August 7, 2017

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Saturday, January 28, 2017

With Coffee Too: 1/25/17 (002) Vision For Your Future Tomorrows

In this episode of With Coffee Too, Pastor James shares how you can see your future tomorrows in this New Year. You'll learn how the setting of goals is the key to those tomorrows! With Coffee Too is a weekly Christian video devotional that will empower you to live a life of victory!

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Count Your Blessings!

I just wanted to post something for Christmas.  This is one of my favorite Irving Berlin songs, Count Your Blessings.  My all time favorite Christmas movie is "White Christmas".  So Merry Christmas and may you be blessed!

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

The Most Important Place To Be

Jumbo jets crashing. Nations coming against nations. Invasions! Wars and rumors of wars. The Middle East. On a more personal level, people who are living for themselves instead of God, and people basing their lives by their emotions and falling away from the truth. What do we do in the days in which we living? Where is THE most important place to be in the days that are before us? It’s simple and the Bible tells us clearly. Be in church! Be a part of church! Love church! It is your true life-support line in these days!

Our key verse in the New Testament is Hebrews 10:24-25. 
"And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching." (NKJV)

Notice how The Message Bible reads. "So let's do it--full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching." (The Message Translation)

The Word of God said to not forsake our coming together. It says not to avoid worshiping together because it spurs each other onward. We live in a society today that chooses to magnify hurts, depression, emotional issues, and problems in general. We live in a victim society; an issue-driven society. Sadly, that attitude has crept into the church. The Bible tells us that some will "fall away" in the last days. When we submit to the "world system", or the way the world is thinking, we will pull away from the things that have remained stable and sure for generations. The local church is one of those sure things. 

The world now mocks the church. We must be careful not to allow this world system to drive our attendance habits through the cares and things of life and everyday living. This way of thinking is completely apart from what the scriptures tell us about coming together. We need to come together on a regular basis as believers. We need to hear the preaching and teaching of the Word of God to encourage us and help us in living a life of hope and victory. The preaching and teaching of the Word of God helps us to have a stable focus. It helps us, as believers, to be accountable as well.

The local church is a life source for all of us. We individually need it. We see it in the book of Acts. The church was the place where "it" was happening. It was exploding with growth, excitement and the power of the Holy Spirit. The church of today should exemplify that same excitement and growth. Excitement breeds excitement. How you come to church affects the service. When you come to church, come excited and ready, and just see what happens and what the Lord will do.

Look at some other verses here.

Psalm 122:1 "I was glad when they said to me, "Let us go into the house of the LORD." (NKJV)

Psalm 42:4 "When I remember these things, I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with the multitude; I went with them to the house of God With the voice of joy and praise, With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast." (NKJV)

Notice being glad to go. Going with the multitude.

If you just do a word search of the Bible with the words "temple" and "Jesus" you'll find that Jesus was there, in church, over and over and over. It was a part of His life, not just His ministry. One that I love is this: Luke 4:16, "He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read." 

The Apostle Paul had "customs" or "habits" too! Notice Acts 17:2, "As his custom was, Paul went into the synagogue, and on three Sabbath days he reasoned with them from the Scriptures." 

Acts 5:42 says, "And daily in the temple, and in every house, they ceased not to teach and preach Jesus Christ."

There are many, many references to coming together throughout the Word of God. Being in the sanctuary, the temple, the church, needs to be a part of our lives for so many reasons. Let me give you some straight points as to why it's important to you as an individual.

1. Important for family relationships and life.
The Local Church is a very important place for family and relationships. Strong, godly relationships "spark" you. "Iron sharpens iron." (Proverbs 27:17) Families and individuals learn about life and how to live it. We learn about walking in victory and being happy. We learn about giving to our fellow man through outreach and community projects. We learn as a family the power of walking with Christ living big in our lives.

2. It's a community of faith.
In this community of faith is where we gain a revelation of Jesus Christ. Church is about growing up and maturing, not about what level you're on. It's where you have a Pastor who ministers the Word of God to you so that you can run and step out in faith and be a doer of the Word. Your Pastor and the other relationships that you have are there for you in a tough time or to celebrate the joys of your life. It's a place where we develop personal and lasting friendships and relationships that endure a lifetime. 

3. It's a non-threatening place.
There are no perfect people, but we are a people who have a perfect God. In this place you don't have to put on a performance. Jesus loves and accepts people the way they are. Church is that kind of place. It's a place where people find empathy, not sympathy; a place to be lifted up and encouraged to live for Christ.

4. It helps people face difficult & conflicting areas of their lives.
While dealing with struggles, sins of the past, lack of self-confidence, and more, we learn that the precious blood of the Lamb has been given for our freedom. It's a place where there is comfort in a time of loss or need; a place where Jesus' arms are spread wide through the love of a congregation of family and friends.

5. A place of spiritual strength.
Church is a place where people can find out who they are in Christ and grow in the things of God. It is a place where your giftings from the Lord can be developed and shine. It is a place where you are encouraged and uplifted to step out and serve the Lord. It is a place where you can be sent out to do the calling of God that's on your life.

6. A place of accountability.
At church we learn about life and that we are accountable to the Lord. We establish relationships where we are accountable to one another. Church helps in establishing accountability in our personal walk of life and to the Word of God, by fostering healing, evangelism, deeper faith, family roots and more. Plain and simple, it helps keep you from becoming "flaky"! When you are off on your own, your imagination about what's spiritual and what's not, can go to all sorts of places that can mislead you at a time and place in your life where you need "your" pastor and "your" church family for life, encouragement, and rock solid consistency.

7. A place for marriage, family, & home.
You can be on your way to church and arguing about what seems huge, but when you get to church and are in the middle of worship, the Holy Spirit deals with you. The message seems to be just like the Lord was personally talking with you. It changes you and changes your home. It brings the two of you closer as a husband and wife.

It works on your kids. They're learning how to live for God and not just play like it. They learn that a relationship with God is a personal experience and that it's real.

The Bible says to, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 

As a parent, your responsibility is to plant those seeds of training in your kids. If church isn't important to you, don't expect it to be important to your kids. If praying is not important to you, don't expect it to be important to your kids. If giving is not important to you, don't expect them to be givers either. You train them up... they will follow. Your emphasis will be the foundations for not just you, but for generations to come. Fear breeds fear. Joy breeds joy. Godliness breeds godliness.

Dads need to set that example. Moms too! What you tolerate in moderation, your kids will tolerate in excess. The seeds that are sown will produce when they are older. Psalm 78 tells us that these things also pass down to their kids, your grandkids. Generation to generation! Think and do what's important to you, and your kids will do it too, good or bad. Galatians 6:6 says that you reap what you sow. 

Dads, how you treat Mom is contagious. Moms, how you treat Dad is contagious. How you both treat spiritual things is contagious too. Being in the local church helps all of the family to grow and mature and send a message to the next generation. As parents, we are sending a message through our children into a time we will not see.

The local church is so very important to all of us. Being around those of like faith can spark us to greater things in God. Sharing a meal together, fellowshipping, laughing and enjoying the Word of God together is so very vital and important in the days in which we live. All of us need to plug in, be active, and be excited. We need to live this life of Christianity and bring others to church! Bring our families to church! In the days that we live in right now, it’s not just vital, but critical! Church is what we each make it to be individually. Plug in as they did in the book of Acts and let excitement breed excitement. Today is here and now, but the seeds of today will produce tomorrow! Let’s get ourselves at the most important place to be in the days in which we live! Let’s go to church! We'll see you there! Amen!

Prayer: Father, I know that your Word says that a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Being together with a local body of believers, fellowshipping around your Word, building relationships is a source of strength and a faith builder for my life. I choose to make time to be hooked up with my local church family. Amen.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

My Thoughts On Turning Fifty

January 1st, 2015, marked the beginning of the year that I turn fifty years old.  Many tend to look at that number with apprehension and concern.  Some call it middle aged, which is actually unscriptural.  We’re promised 120 years according to Genesis 6:3, the 70 to 80 is a curse that only applied to the generation of Korah who followed the golden calf crowd, so technically speaking, I still have ten more years to go until I am the middle age of 60. And so it is true for everyone.  What are you believing for?  I want to live a long life, following the Lord, fulfilling His purpose, till I see Him face to face!  He’s promised us longevity of life.  It belongs to every one of us too! Choose to live and live big for Him.

As I am thinking about turning 50, to be honest, I am excited about it. After my birthday, I am looking forward to the next fifty years.  There is still so much to do and so many dreams to achieve.  In fact we should never stop dreaming about what’s next.  Press toward the prize!

As this year started though, I must admit that there were a few “hiccups” that I have had to deal with.  These hiccups made me think I needed some more duct tape for my body and some WD-40 to grease my joints!  What happened you ask?  Hiccups like a trip to the ER with chest pains and I got a hearing aid for my left ear!  Through it all, God is good and the ER trip turned out to be nothing! In fact, there were no heart problems at all, but what a night!   Honestly, the hearing aid has changed sound to me so much that it brings tears to my eyes just to describe how much I can really hear now. 

This June marked the month that I moved from the age of 49 to 50. This birthday is no different than any other one.  It is what it is… another birthday.  But… and there is a but here, the thoughts of this change of age has caused me to look back over these past fifty years in retrospect and consider where I have been and everything that has happened in my life.  These things, good and bad, have shaped me into the man that I am and brought me into the season that I am in right now.

There is so much to be thankful for.  Since graduation from high school and then Bible College, I have had the privilege to travel around the world many times, minister in many states and nations, speak and minister to thousands upon thousands of teenagers and adults. I have worked for and served many famous people, and I have had the privilege to meet and even become close friends with many famous and well-known people.  I have stood in many pulpits and preached, I led worship for thousands, I have recorded many albums, and I have received many awards, royalties, and endorsements, and much, much more.
But in looking over the past 50 years, what matters the most, are the relationships that are so sweet and dear.  And even much more than all of that, the literal thousands that have come to the knowledge of Christ Jesus being their Lord and Savior, the thousands filled with the Holy Spirit, and many others receiving a touch from the Lord for healing or breakthroughs in their lives. Now, we are pastoring the sweetest congregation I know.  I don’t think I really understood fulfillment until we started being the lead pastors of the church we started.  People are so special and they are the reason why I keep doing what I do.  Ministry is all about people.  It's about serving people and helping people.  It’s not a business.  The day that the ministry becomes a business, rest assured, it is no longer the ministry.

To say God has been good is an understatement right now. He has been very good to me and my wife and boys. We are overwhelmed by His goodness that He has shown in our lives many times over.  Oh sure, there have been down moments over the past 50 years, from being told I had a lung disease that I was healed of, to driving my car under a semi-truck (in and out the other side and walking away from it) and other moments too.   But I want you to know without a doubt, I have always made the choice to be OVER IT and NOT under it.

NEVER give up your joy and peace over a circumstance or a feeling. It's only temporary. “Rejoice, and again I say rejoice” is what we are told in Philippians 4. It’s all up to you to stir it up! You can be over it or under it!  There’s a great quote that says this, "By perseverance the snail reached the ark." We need to be like that snail in everything! Persistence is a habit and so is quitting!  Never quit.  I know I have never quit. 

As I sit here now and write these words, being thankful for my family and blessings that we have, it just overwhelms me.  Again, God is good!  So good!  All the time, He is good!  And you know what?  All of you who are reading this have so much to be thankful for too!  And all of you, as do I, have so much that is ahead for you!  There are things to be done!  Greatness is upon your lives, run your race and never stop, until you see the Lord face to face.  In Jeremiah 29:11 (HCSB), the Lord Himself tells us all, For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

 As I turn 50 there are some things that I have written that mean a lot to me that I want to share with you right now. It’s entitled The 3 Things I Have Learned In Life So Far.  No matter what your age, these things, I believe, ring true.

A good friend and mentor in my life used to make this statement when he would minister, “It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”  That is so very true.  In life, you should always be learning and always be growing.  After all, if growth stops you will find that decay will set in to your life.  It’s vital in our walk with the Lord that we are growing!  Jesus told us to seek the Kingdom.

Matthew 6:33 (New Living Translation)  “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

The Amplified Bible reads, “But seek (aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.”

We should desire strength in our lives.  The Lord is our strength in all things.  We always grow stronger as we are seeking after the Lord.  Even in our struggles, in the hard and dark places, we always will find peace, joy, and victory as we seek Him.

Isaiah 26:9 
”With my soul I have desired You in the night, Yes, by my spirit within me I will seek You early; For when Your judgments are in the earth, The inhabitants of the world will learn righteousness.”

We need to remember what Proverbs 10:24 says, in the Amplified Bible (AMP) "The thing a wicked man fears shall come upon him, but the desire of the [uncompromisingly] righteous shall be granted."

What you dwell on can be a powerful force in your life; in your thoughts and in the words you speak.  It can drive your emotions and push your flesh to react in bad and totally wrong ways. 

The other day the Lord reminded me of an episode of The Andy Griffith Show.  When ole Barney would get all worked up and flustered with Andy, he would say things like, "Nip it!  Nip it in the bud!"  Or, "Tick a lock, Ange!  Tick!  Tick a lock!"  Our attitude always will determine our altitude, spiritually and naturally.  

James 1:4 says, "But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."  

Sometimes our flesh can be uncomfortable, but you’d better "Nip it!" and you’d better, "Tick a lock!"  Don't you allow the work of patience that is being worked in you, to be undone by circumstances and outside influences.   The enemy wants you to complain and say the wrong things.  

But YOU need to speak the Word to the mountain.  YOU need to speak the Word to the circumstance. And in PRAYER, speak the Word regarding anything and everything and not what you think is happening.  Let the Lord do the work.  You relax in Him!  Flesh is deceiving.  The Lord wants you perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  There are things going on that you cannot see. Don't tear it down.  You can't get across the river by kicking the rocks that you are suppose to use to get to the other side.  

One of our missionaries wrote, “Remember, if the going is real easy, we need to beware that we may be headed down hill. There's always free cheese in the mouse traps, but the mice ain't happy there.”

There are times in which I find myself “between a rock and hard place.”  When I do, I remind myself of three simple things that really reset my compass.  Make a note of them and allow them to speak to you and reset your compass.  I call these points:

The Three Things I Have Learned In Life So Far

1. This is the day the Lord has made – make the most of it.

The Bible says, in Psalm 118:24 
”This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.”

It’s HIS DAY!  He told you to rejoice and be glad!  He didn’t say to be a whiner or a complainer.  He said it’s HIS DAY, you rejoice and be glad! 

In Psalm 34:8 
it says, “Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!”

It’s important you're giving your best attitude, integrity and loyalty where you serve, where you work and in your relationships right now!  Know that you're not healthy enough to quit and take another job if you are not.

You’ll always be better off being faithful and having the best attitude.  You’ll always be better off reminding yourself of His goodness and His promises rather than your trouble.

2. God is smarter than I am.

Stop and think here.  There are over 7 billion people on the earth and only one with my fingerprint.  God made you special and unique.   Get it in your head that He’s watching over you.  Jesus said in Luke 12:7, “And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”

He’s got it together.  His blood was shed.  You are the redeemed.  He has whatever you think is so huge and overwhelming, under control.   

Jesus told us in Matthew 6:25-31, “25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? 28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? 31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “

Enough said!

And lastly, 

3. Jesus has whooped the devil.  

The real fight is in your mind and heart. It’s the flesh versus the spirit.  Colossians 2:15 says that Jesus, “…spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it.  

Ephesians 1:19-23 tells us about Jesus, “19 and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power 20 which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, 21 far above all principality and power and might and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in that which is to come. 22 And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, 23 which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.”

Jesus whooped the devil.  Whooped him!  Won the victory!  He put the enemy under His feet and Jesus gave that victory to you!  He made you MORE than a conqueror.  He could have just made you a conqueror.  That’s pretty good!  But the Bible says in Romans 8:37 that He made you MORE THAN a conqueror

Always remember that you have the will of God before you all the time.  His Word is His will.  Believe it and speak it.  When things come in on your thought life, remember to do what 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”  Amen!

Don’t be a quitter!  Run your race!  I will!  Let’s be just like Paul when his days were drawing to a close, he spoke to Timothy in 2 Timothy 4:7-8 (Modern English Version) (MEV) I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, and I have kept the faith. From now on a crown of righteousness is laid up for me, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved His appearing.”   

Let us all run our race and reach for that prize, that high calling in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Let’s fight to the finish!  So in that day in which we will stand before Him, we will hear Him say, “Well done good and faithful one.”  Amen.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

What does that mean, "Render due benevolence?"

Through the years I have sat with many couples and talked with them before they got married, while they were married and in the midst of their married problems.  There are a couple of things that I tell couples often.  A few months ago my doctor and I were talking about situations he has with patients and their marriages and my situations in counseling marriages.  It was amazing how simple his answers were and how they lined up with scriptures.  In this devotional I am going to be as “straight forward” as possible, gleaning from our conversations that day.  So, with open eyes and an open heart, consider seriously what I am sharing.  It could very well save your marriage from destruction. 
Let’s start with a Bible verse.  In 1 Corinthians 7, verses 1-5 we read this.  It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.  The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." 

The term “due benevolence” is a two way street that is ignored in our culture today.  Our excuse usually is that we are too tired or too busy.  Most women take offense to this as well as some men.  It’s ignored because we live in a society where it has to be “all about me.”  That selfish reality is destroying marriages, causing them to be susceptible to emotional affairs and physical affairs.  Eventually, it will lead to separation and divorce.  How many of our friends and family have divorced over the years and are no longer in church?  Social media has destroyed homes and relationships and made us an “all about me” society.

These verses in Corinthians are ignored in our busy society today.  But remember and understand that marriage was designed by the Lord for a man and a woman to become One Flesh.  The home, the husband and wife, were the first institution created in the Bible in the beginning. 

When you get married, you no longer have control over your own bodies.  As a pastor and a counselor, I hear about a lot of “defrauding going on” in the marriage bed.   Sex becomes a once a week thing or even worse.  I’ve never heard anyone come in my office and ask, “What can I do to save MY marriage?”  Usually it’s things like “they do this and that.”  Never is there a focus on the “I” or “ME” factor. 

Many men would like to have sex once a day.  I know that is hard to understand for ladies, but it’s true none-the-less.  Men are actually wired to be sexually driven.  Sure, that’s hard for a woman who works, who is pregnant, nursing or raising kids.   But ladies, pleasing your man could take only a few minutes or so and keep him from being so moody around the house.  Unfulfilled desires are the biggest factor of becoming the “two ships passing in the night” situation.

The Three Reasons
One of the first things that I share with a couple, whether they are about to get married or coming in for counseling is the “Three Reasons People Get Divorced”.   They may seem simple, but it is the simple things that spouses always ignore, that cost them.  These are in no given order of priority, but the first one is a big one where men are concerned. 

The first one is sex.  Whether it is the lack of it, intimacy issues, physical problems etc, sex is a big deal.  The second reason is money.  Financial problems create stresses that lead to many different problems emotionally and physically.  The third reason is children.  Children are a blessing from the Lord!  But better said, “the pressure of children” can create problems in your marriage relationship.

The verses that we started with plainly deal with the sexual relationship in our marriages.  If it is important for the Holy Ghost to inspire the writer, then each of us need to take it seriously.  Let’s deal with sexual relationships in our marriages for the rest of this article. 

One of the things I share with couples is found in Proverbs 5:15-19, “Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.”

Ladies you are the cistern, or the covered pot to be correct.  No one has the right to touch that pot but the husband and only your husband can remove its cover.  The fountain (which should be clearly understandable), your man’s “fountain” doesn’t belong to him when married, but to you the woman.  If a man “disperses his fountain abroad” with someone other than his wife, he risks having “rivers in the streets”, or, easier said, children coming up to him from other partners saying, “Hey Daddy!”  This is because he is not satisfying his thirst or being denied his drink from his covered pot, his well, his wife.  Or in the case of a woman, she’s not being satisfied by her fountain, her husband.  How’s that for being straight forward?  Oh the Word of God is amazing when you really look at it.  It’s got the answers.  It’s life and medicine to ALL your flesh!

You see, if you are “defrauding one another”, as the verses in Corinthians talk about, you are opening up the door in your marriage for resentment, emotional issues and more!  Once you are married you give up the right of control over your body.  A lot of women and men defraud their spouse of their bodies.  They do it out of their own pride and selfishness.

As ladies and men too, we need to not think of sex as a chore. If you do, shame on you.  We need to let it be that we are making the most important person in our life happy.  When you have a crying baby, they quit whining and crying when you feed them.  Isn’t that right?

According to these verses in Corinthians, the Lord knew how important a satisfying sexual relationship should be.  When you deprive one another, it will harm and separate you emotionally.  If your man is not getting it from you he may go elsewhere.  Men have a physical need for sex that most women just don't understand and comprehend, but God did and He gave this scriptural instruction to us.  It is vital that we believe it and obey it!  We really can take this scripture at face value and obey it.  Yes it is that simple! But if you will think about it and obey it, then you could be reaping the rewards of doing things God's way.

So many spouses are Obsessive Compulsive about the wrong things at the wrong times. I heard one lady minister share to a group of ladies that when you loose your keys, you’ll dump your purse out, empty your pockets and more, till you find them.  Ladies have you lost your keys?  Your spouse is the most precious, best friend that you have in your life.  You should treat them as such.  You should love them and prize them.
The Bible tells us, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife.”  (Matthew19:5, Mark 10:7, Ephesians 5:31)  The word, cleave, means to “stick like glue or to forever chase after.”  Think about that for a moment.  When you first met you did things for each other.  You got a little crazy too, bedroom crazy.  You did things to “light the fire and keep it lit.”  The chase is important to your relationship.  Ladies, it’s really important to your man. 

Most men like doing things for their wives.  When you start to complain about what he does and deny him the opportunity, you will train him just like a whooped puppy and he will stop.  Men are really wired to chase.  Men are hunters and they love the hunt and the catching of the prize.  When you stop them from chasing you, they will become unfulfilled and they will draw back.  They will become emotionally damaged and it can even affect their “stamina.”  No drug can fix that but YOU.  You’ll be frustrated and not realize how it started. 
When your husband is in the mood and he makes advances toward you, don’t deny him, don’t push him off or make him wait too long.  He will eventually take it as you rejecting him.    Men have a sex drive that is powerful and it can be broken.  God made him that way.  Making it a matter of schedule or making him ask for a “time frame” will train him to stop.  It makes him feel emotionally rejected by you. You must make time and take the time for each other.  Men are emotional, but they are different in how they are wired.  Sure, there is balance in having the right time and moment for our intimacies.  But you should never cut him or her off.  The more you push your spouse away, they will become “gun shy” of you.  They will become afraid to touch and shy to advance.  With your husband, you’ll be breaking him, right out of how God made him.  When we do that, we are going against how the Lord designed us and going against His Word.

You wouldn’t send your kids to bed hungry would you? So many spouses send their most precious, best and intimate friend to bed hungry.  Most women will complain about their moody, angry, short tempered and irritable husbands.  Usually, it will come down to one thing, because of the whole due benevolence and chase factor.  One or the other has denied their needs.  Wake up husbands and wives before you lose your keys and you cannot find them anymore.  The Holy Ghost wrote these things a long time ago to keep your marriage from getting into trouble.  

If you want to affair proof your marriage, don’t push away or deny your spouse the fulfillment of their needs.  Let’s not become disobedient to the Word of God in these areas because we allow our own selfishness, pride and insecurities to dictate our bedroom practices.   
Ladies you need to understand or at least try to, that men are turned on by sight.  He needs to be drunk on you!  Don’t you want him to be consumed with thoughts of you? Are you doing things to make him drunk on you?  Song of Solomon talks about being drunk on love.  He needs to be drunk on your love.  Taken by you!  He should be dreaming about coming home to you, like a wino sniffing the cork who cannot wait for the next drink!

Let’s talk sniffing.  Your husband likes to sniff perfume and see you!  It’s a drug to him and draws him like a moth to the flame!  Ladies you know how to catch your man and make him not forget about you.  At the same time, men, you need to understand that women are turned on by touch.  They need your affection, slowly and gently.  They need your conversation and sweet touch.   

Men, you need to smell good and be clean.  Not all sweaty and nasty.  Fellows, you need to take your time and love your wife slow.  Never be a “wham bam thank you” kind of jerk.   Each of you, husbands and wives need to treasure one another.  According to 1 Peter 3:7, you are “heirs together of the grace of life.”  It encourages us to know that and walk it so that, “…our prayers be not hindered.”  Never forget the power of your precious intimate friend that the Lord brought to your life.  What a great prize the Lord has blessed you with. 

Let me close with this story.  My father is a private pilot.  Years ago on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon he would take me to this grass strip airport.  All the “old pilots” would be sitting on this porch area and they would tell flying stories.  As a young kid, oh about 11 or 12, some of these were absolutely hilarious.  One day my Dad was up flying with someone and I was waiting for him to land and we were going to go get some ice cream or something.  One of the older men there was telling a story and it was so funny.  He got to the end of his story and after everyone had gotten over their laughter, he piped up loudly and said, “Boys, this has been fun today!  But it’s time for me to go home and play with mama.  You all would be wise to do that too!”   This guy was in his 80’s. 

What a statement.  It rings true today.  Don’t lose your keys.  Don’t send your dearest and most intimate friend to bed hungry.   Render “Due Benevolence” to each other.  You’ll find that a lot your problems will be cured.